I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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