Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
