There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
