i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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