if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
