It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
