There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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