Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
