I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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