I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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