i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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