just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just had sex on a roof
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
