Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
