It's Friday. Sex?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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