Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
