But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
