Hey man sorry I got all grabby
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
