Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
