I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
