if i can run in heels then i can drive
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize