Tell her she can't have a vagina
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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