You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
