Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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