My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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