Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
