I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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