dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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