Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
