I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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