Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The air taste purple.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
