ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
