I think I died a long time ago.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
