WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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