there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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