Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Randomize
