Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i came on her dog
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
