Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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