Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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