I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
