My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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