Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
