I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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