Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
