I want to walk on stilts...naked
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
