He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
