what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
