I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
