She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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