Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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