i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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