You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
