Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
