Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
