He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
