I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
