Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
