pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
