dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize