I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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