my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
