Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
