so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize