Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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