she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
