Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
