My liver just broke up with me...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
