Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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