My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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