i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
