ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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