why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
