is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
