she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
