He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
