Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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