yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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