I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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