Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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