I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
