you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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