I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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