walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Of course I have a pirate flag
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
