Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
