i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
