apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
