Your face is a jimmy john
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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