I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
