i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
