Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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