Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I want a musical about memes.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
