I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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