she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize