It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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