i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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