everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
