you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
